Peg Cozzi, Ed.D
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Change is within grasp...

Listening

3/29/2019

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Listening is a skill which can be used to help improve relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
Listening is an important tool in relationships.  By listening carefully, we can usually tell what another person wants out of the relationship.
The purpose of listening is to focus on the other person and learn something about her or him.
We can all become better listeners:
  • Decide that you want to listen to the other person
  • Let the person know you are listening by making eye-contact.
  • Silence encourages a person to share feelings and thoughts.  Don't be afraid of it.
  • Listen without judging, not whether you agree or disagree, not whether the person is right or wrong.
  • Try to understand what's being said and the underlying feelings.
  • Do not think about anything other than what the person is saying.  Avoid thinking about your response.  When you think about your response you are listening to your inner voice and not listening to the other person.
  • When the person is finished talking, acknowledge what you heard by paraphrasing what was said and reflecting the feelings you heard, explicitly, or between the lines.
  • When we stop, focus and listen we tell other people they are important and what they have to say matters.
  • Listening to another and showing understanding is one of the greatest gifts to offer.
This article from the New York Times explains how to become a better listener.
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Bedtime Stories

3/15/2019

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Everyone has difficulty falling asleep occasionally.  You can improve your sleep hygiene and reorganize your bedtime routines to create an external and internal environment which is more conducive to restful sleep.  
Here is a brief visualization called The Body Scan which can help release tension and quiet the mind.
  • Lie on your back and make sure you are comfortable. Adjust your pillows and covers until you are totally comfortable.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Take some deep breaths and release stress as you exhale.
  • Focus your attention on your toes and, without moving, visualize them melting into the mattress.
  • Do the same with your insteps, heels, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, butt, spine (each vertebra individually), move upwards through each discreet muscle and body part.
  • At each step/exhale tell yourself the story:  I am relaxing my toes, neck, shoulders, arms, etc., my toes are melting into the mattress, my body is releasing tension, I am ready for sleep.
  • By the time you reach your head you may be drowsy and dropping-off.
Any repetitive tone or visual image can induce relaxation and sleep.  Mantras, prayers, counting sheep is an old-fashioned and effective remedy.  And don't forget what some "old wives" recommend; a cup of warm milk or chamomile tea can soothe the body and mind.
If your sleep is disturbed for many nights you may be experiencing insomnia which is habitual sleeplessness, wakefulness, restlessness.  Prolonged insomnia can have serious psychological and health problems.  If this is the case, consult a physician.
Researchers at Harvard have developed a list of 12 tips to promote better sleep.  Look them over.
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The Power of Writing

3/1/2019

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An old adage says knowledge is power.  There is research evidence that writing is a powerful tool to promote living consciously and can improve mental and emotional life; help to cope with stress, anxiety and depression; dispel loneliness; make us more emotionally available to ourselves and others. 
I recommend writing, daily, to all my clients and give them the best-selling book by Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way.  Julia describes the process she calls “Morning Pages” for writing three pages, stream of consciousness, every morning without censoring, without worries about spelling or sentence structure, just what flows, spontaneously, from heart and mind. 
After several days or even weeks of whining and complaining something shifts; patterns and insights emerge which create opportunities to make different choices, small changes in daily living.  These decisions can enhance life experiences and diminish the problematic ones. 
Over time, the benefits add up to counteract symptoms of stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. 
Emotional benefits:
  • Manage Stress.  Writing about what’s creating stress and anxiety in your life helps you to identify stressors and pinpoint what’s going on internally. And sometimes you just need to vent, even if it’s only on the page.
  • Enhance emotional intelligence.  Writing about how you feel helps you interpret and make sense of your emotions.
  • Improve communication skills. Learning to put your thoughts down on paper translates into a better ability to express yourself to others verbally.
Personal benefits:
  • Set and achieve goals. Writing down your wishes and dreams signals to your brain that they are important and takes them one step closer to existence. Furthermore, organizing your thoughts into words helps prioritize projects and needs.
  • Build self-discipline. Writing every day, even when you’re not necessarily in the mood to do so, strengthens your ability to stick to something on an ongoing basis. Therefore, you’re better able to do other things that require self-discipline.
  • Assist in problem-solving. New perspectives become clear when you write—even if you’re not consciously trying to find solutions. Writing helps you look at a situation more objectively and from more than one point of view.
  • Create empathy. Writing about an event or relationship helps you see more clearly what others might be feeling or thinking during your interactions with them.
  • Become more aware of habits and patterns. What makes you happy? When do you feel most troubled? Writing regularly, and then reading what you’ve written over time, can help identify what creates or detracts from your well-being.
  • Increase creativity. Writing prepares you to be creative in other areas of your life, as well as on the page. You learn to be creative in your approaches to dealing with pain, difficult emotions, and challenging relationships.
Writing also supports physical health.  In recent years, research has revealed that writing down your life experiences can create positive physiological changes.
To sum it up, writing makes you happier!
Check out this research summary from Harvard Healthbeat.
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Dr. Peg Cozzi

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