Peg Cozzi, Ed.D
  • Home
  • About Me
  • SERVICES
  • Insurance & Fees
  • Contact
  • Blog

Change is within grasp...

Handling Conflict

5/29/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
People use three basic responses to conflict.  Fight, Submit, Flee.  These can be used creatively but sometimes we get stuck in using just one strategy; become rigid and defensive and feel trapped and powerless.  There is a fourth strategy, Resolution which can be learned and is mutually beneficial.
  • Fight: "I'm right, you're wrong."  Fighting is trying to impose your preferred solution or opinion onto another by insisting, blaming, criticizing, accusing, shouting, or using force.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  "I feel..., I think..., I need..., I want...".
  • Submit:  "I'm wrong, you're right."  You can yield by lowering your expectations and settling for less by giving in, giving up, agreeing to just end the conflict or surrendering to what the other person wants.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  There are times when you are wrong and it's appropriate to admit it.  There are also times when faced with a more powerful force submission may be appropriate.
  • Flee:  "I don't care who is right, I'm gone."  You can withdraw by ceasing to talk, retreating to your own thoughts, leaving emotionally, changing the topic, physically leaving the scene.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  When emotion goes up, cognition goes down and it's sometimes useful to leave a heated discussion and take a time-out to let emotions subside, to organize thoughts, formulate "I" statements, "I feel..., I think..., I need..., I want...".   Then return to the discussion, calmly, with clarity.  
  • Resolution:  "We both have a piece of the truth.  Let's work it out."  We can learn to listen to each other, to state our feelings, thoughts, needs and desires and to hear those from another person.  With mutual respect, listening and talking, and expressing our feelings using "I" statements we can remain in the struggle long enough to digest what's happened, problem-solve, and pursue alternatives that satisfy both and come up with solutions.
​
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    September 2018
    March 2018

    Categories

    All
    Anxiety
    Communication
    Contentment
    Couples
    Depression
    Mindfulness
    Parenting
    Stress

    RSS Feed

Dr. Peg Cozzi

drpeg@pegcozzi.com

​914-834-0021
​
Click on the Facebook icon on my webpage, www.pegcozzi.com, to LIKE my page.
That way we can stay in touch.
Picture
Photo used under Creative Commons from verchmarco
  • Home
  • About Me
  • SERVICES
  • Insurance & Fees
  • Contact
  • Blog