It's not unusual for parents to feel overwhelmed by the demands their children may be making for all the latest in toys and gifts. The holiday season is a time of massive amounts of advertising, a great deal of it aimed at our children. Few parents are able or willing to say "yes" to all the toy requests their children may present, but if you approach it correctly, saying "no" doesn't have to make you feel like a Scrooge.
The holidays can make all of us feel like "kids" again. It's mostly a happy time, but also a season with heavy doses of marketing pressure. As adults we're able to control the impulses brought on by all those "buy stuff now!" ads, but our children face the same tidal wave of advertising without the experience to help temper the desires the ads create.
There are real reasons why the latest, heavily advertised toys can seem so appealing to our kids. It's a normal part of development for children to fantasize and jump from reality to a make-believe world with ease.  Watch small children dressing up or acting out elaborate games and you can see how real those fantasy worlds can be for a child.
This ability to engage in fantasies is also why all the newest and "hottest" toys can seem so appealing. Children can easily dream about owning that exciting new game or toy, something they can imagine playing and sharing with friends, and maybe even be envied for owning.
These childhood dreams can be very strong during the gift-giving season, and when we have to let our kids down and say "no" to the latest requests it can leave us feeling like we're bad parents. This, however, may be an emotional reaction, but not a realistic evaluation.   
As a parent there may be legitimate reasons why agreeing to a child's demands simply isn't practical, or desirable, or maybe even possible. While those reasons may make sense for you, for the child looking to fulfill his or her fantasy, your adult reality has little or no meaning.
Our normal parental response to a child's over-the-top request, or "demand," might be something like, "No, that toy is simply too expensive." Such a response often will lead to escalated tension that makes the child cling even harder to the fantasy of how wonderful it could be and how you just don't understand.
Instead, it often works better to allow the child to hold on to and enjoy the fantasy. Respond by showing you understand how wonderful and fun it might be to have that toy. Don't resist the fantasy, but give your child the time to return to reality at his or her own pace. Save the discussion of why the toy is not a good decision for a calmer time when the fantasy is not as strong.
Adapted from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog

​In these uncertain times our stress levels are elevated.  This article from The Cleveland Clinic has some useful information.
Whether it’s a fight with a spouse, a deadline at work, or simply just too much to do, we’ve all got stress.   And if you’re faced with a lot of it, it can take hold of your eating habits.
There’s a definite connection between stress and our appetite — but that connection isn’t the same for everyone, says psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD.
Stress causes some people to ignore their hunger cues and refrain from eating for long stretches. For other people, stress turns them into emotional eaters who mindlessly munch.
“Some people overeat when they feel stressed, and other people lose track of their appetite,” Dr. Albers says. “Those who stop eating are so focused on their stress that they don’t hear or tune into their hunger cues. Those who overeat are attempting to distract themselves with food.”
Our brains send cues to our bodies when we’re feeling stressed. That’s part of our fight-or-flight response that helps us deal with perceived threats in our environment, 
When you’re feeling stressed, your body sends out cortisol, known as the stress hormone. Cortisol can make you crave sugary, salty and fatty foods, because your brain thinks it needs fuel to fight whatever threat is causing the stress.
How stress affects your metabolism
Stress doesn’t only influence your eating habits. Studies show it can affect your metabolism, too.
In one recent study, participants who reported one or more stressors during the previous 24 hours, such as arguments with spouses, disagreements with friends, trouble with children or work-related pressures, burned 104 fewer calories than non-stressed women in the seven hours after eating a high-fat meal.
Researchers say experiencing one or more stressful event the day before eating just one high-fat meal (the kind we’re most likely to indulge in when frazzled) can slow the body’s metabolism so much that women could potentially see an 11-pound weight gain over the course of a year.
How to combat stress eating
The daily demands of work and home life — and even the constant presence of electronic devices — puts people at a high risk for stress eating, 
The best way to combat stress or emotional eating is to be mindful of what triggers stress eating and to be ready to fight the urge.
“If you are someone who is prone to emotional eating, know your triggers, know what stresses you out and be prepared,” Dr. Albers says.
Part of being prepared is to arm yourself with healthy snacks. Then if you feel the need to snack, you will at least nourish your body.
“Helping to regulate your blood sugar throughout the day is going to keep your body stable and your emotions on a much better playing field,” she adds.
It’s also a good idea to keep things at your workspace that will help reduce anxiety, like a stress ball. Or try taking a five-minute break every once in a while to close your eyes and take some deep breaths.
Regular exercise and making sure you get enough sleep every night also can help you to better handle the challenges that come up every day, she says.

Lately have you noticed you are forgetting things, feeling groggy even after a good night's sleep, irritable?  Dr. Richard Friedman has some ideas about how social isolation may be making our brains duller.  Check out this article he wrote in the Washington Post.

Our mental, emotional and physical health are all challenged during these uncertain times.  Our confinement due to the Corona Virus and threat of Covid-19 has forced us to change our patterns.  This has taken a toll.  There are things you can do to feel better.  Now is the time to create new habits to support our good health and well-being.
This article from The New York Times describes the risks and remedies for our labile emotional state.  The opportunity we have is for a healthier life going forward.

Stop, Look, Listen, Smell, Taste, Touch.
What you know of the world comes through the 5 senses.  Paying attention to your sensory input can focus the mind on the present.  Living in the present can, momentarily, lower anxiety, relieve muscle tension and calm the mind.  
Here's a quick exercise, The Senses Check, which takes about a minute to bring you into a tranquil space.

• ​Stand and take a few deep breaths.
• Slowly rotate in place as you take in the visual information around you.  Name everything you see.
• Come back to place and close your eyes and attend to the sounds in your environment.  Name the sounds.  Locate them in your mind's eye.
• Switch your awareness to smell and identify any odors.
• Now, lick your lips to taste whatever is there.
• Next, switch your attention to touch.  How do your clothes feel on your body?  How do they feel when you touch each component; soft/hard, warm/cold, rough/smooth.  How does your body feel?  Notice any kinks, sore spots, muscle tension.
• Inhale deeply and as you exhale release any physical stress.
• Smile!

This one-minute exercise connects you to the immediate environment through your 5 senses.  If you practice often you can lower your stress baseline, clear a cluttered mind, relax the body, even change your viewpoint.​
Do The Senses Check and experience the present moment completely.
Even one episode of mindful practice can be beneficial for your health.

​Good Mental Health is no different than good physical health.  In fact, good mental health contributes to better physical health.
​Seeing a physician isn't embarrassing if we have the flu, a high fever, or other serious health problems.  No one will criticize you for seeking medical help for a physical health problem and, indeed, most people would fault you if you didn't seek medical help.
Yet we often find that mental health issues bring a very different reaction.  People sometimes see mental illness not as a health issue, but as a character flaw, a serious defect, something that marks a person as weak, unstable, perhaps even violent or dangerous.
Such reactions have serious consequences for millions of Americans who could be healthier and happier if they were receiving the mental health help readily available.  But many don't seek such help out of fear of being "labeled" with a mental illness, feeling family and friends won't understand, or that it could lead to discrimination at work or school.
Too many people who could use help instead see their condition as a sign of personal weakness. They may mistakenly believe that they should be able to control whatever is wrong without outside help.
Please, work to correct this misinformation and encourage people to seek needed treatment.  For example, researchers estimate that one in eight U.S. adolescents is suffering from depression.  Each day an estimated 3,000 young people in grades 9 to 12 attempt suicide, yet only 30% of young people facing mental health issues ever receive any type of treatment or intervention. This lack of treatment helps lead to more than 4,600 suicides by young people each year. The statistics are even scarier among senior citizens and our military veterans.
What you can do:

• Speak up.  Tell people if you have had treatment and how valuable it was just as you would share that an MD treated you for blood pressure, cholesterol, digestive problems, heart conditions, etc.
• Ask your schools to teach a module on emotional intelligence at all grade levels each year.  This could empower students to be assertive, learn empathy, and decrease incidents of bullying.
• If you see a relative or friend in distress don't shy away, instead, suggest psychotherapy as an option and share your own experiences.
• Do some research and study in improving communication, parenting techniques, conflict resolution and bring these skills into your family and work situations.
• Consider scheduling a weekly Family Meeting where all members can feel safe to discuss issues and generate solutions to influence family dynamics toward more cohesion, trust and contentment.  Even infants and toddlers attend!

It's vital for people to recognize that mental health issues are not a reason for shame, but rather a condition that requires treatment by a professional. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, eating disorders, social phobias and similar problems are not a sign of personal weakness.  They are simply conditions that, when treated successfully, can result in a happier, healthier and more productive life.
If you or someone you know is suffering from a mental health issue, don't give in to the stigma, but rather take action for better health.  Talk to a friend or family members about what's bothering you and look into assistance from a mental health professional.  Seeking mental health help is not a weakness; it's as logical and right as seeing a doctor for the flu.
Adapted from American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.
​Here are some thoughts from Markus Howard on The Marquette basketball team about his mental health treatment as published in The NYTimes.

​​May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it's time to talk about confronting the stigma around therapy.  Many people would benefit from therapy but won't choose it because they feel ashamed and weak when confronted with emotional difficulties.  There is no shame in seeking professional help for emotional difficulties anymore than there is to visit a medical doctor for your physical health.
Physical and Mental Health are entwined.  Ignoring either can lead to greater difficulties.  Early intervention is the key to dealing with both physical and mental problems.
Men are particularly at risk from not talking about emotional issues.  Men can perceive themselves as weak and inferior for feeling anxious, depressed, angry, overwhelmed and other uncomfortable emotions.  Stuffing feelings down or ignoring them can be dangerous to functioning in relationships, can interfere with concentration at work, contribute to fatigue, irritability.
Here are some excerpts from an article by Sean Evans, "Not Talking About Mental Health is Literally Killing Men",  May 2, 2018.
"Your mental health is inseparable from your physical health. Not a revolutionary concept, but what is astounding is the stigmatization that still surrounds men who dare to talk about their emotional struggles.
Men who are vocal about any kind of mental issues can be dismissed as weak.  As inferior.  As flawed, broken guys who are more likely to be ostracized for their honesty, instead of rewarded for their bravery.  Instead of affording a fellow man compassion, we mock, belittle, and turn a blind eye. We freely spit the phrase, 'Man up', as though your gender alone should suffice to guide you through your darkest times.
Or worse the response can be 'Well, that sucks', then change the subject because talking about feelings is just too real.
What’s real is the fact that 9 percent of men experience depression.  That’s more than 6 million men.  More than 3 million men struggle with anxiety, daily.  Of the 3.5 million people diagnosed as schizophrenic by the age of 30, more than 90 percent are men.  An estimated 10 million men in the U.S. will suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime.  One in five men will develop and alcohol dependency over a lifetime.  Male suicide is rising at such an alarming rate that it’s been classified as a 'silent epidemic.'  It’s the seventh leading cause of death for males.  That’s a staggering statistic. 
It’s okay to feel depressed.  It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.  It’s okay to be sad.  It’s okay to be anxious. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have everything figured out, to feel a wave of uncertainty come crashing over you and not know which way is up, or when your next gulp of air will come. These are perfectly normal feelings that every man experiences.  And it’s okay to talk about it.  What’s not okay is suffering in silence."  You can read the full article here.
Freud called therapy the Talking Cure.  It's time to talk!
Here are some misconceptions about therapy which may block someone from seeking help.

In these strange times, this is the best advice I've seen to help you and your family manage anxiety.  Please check out Eileen Feliciano's List.
Hoping you and your family remain well and contented.

​Most people experience a slump in January and February after the frenetic end-of-year and new year festivities.  Some of this is merely fatigue but the Winter Blues can leave you feeling, sad, irritable, unmotivated.  If these feelings intensify and lead to sleep problems, changes in appetite or weight, depression, you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
If your symptoms are in the milder category of Winter Blues there are several things you can do to help yourself feel better.​

• Since the 1980's light therapy has offered an effective remedy to boost energy.  There are even full-spectrum light visors so you don't have to remain in place to get your dose.  You do need to follow guidelines about when during the day and how long the exposure. There's lots of information on-line to inform you how to use light therapy.
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) can teach you coping skills for the short-term seasonal occurrences.  Once you learn the skills you can use them daily throughout the year for your general well-being.  
• Of course, exercise is an effective mood-enhancer.
• Meditation can promote relaxation and mindfulness and enhance cognitive skills.  Future blog posts will present activities to promote mindfulness, stress reduction and relaxation techniques.
• If your symptoms persist for days and light, CBT, exercise and meditation are not effective it may be time to consult a physician or mental health counselor to discuss other interventions.

This brief article from the Mayo Clinic provides more information and this article from The New York Times is also useful.  
​A report from Cornell University found that natural light in an office significantly improves health, wellness and productivity in workers.

​Just about everybody goes through stressful times at work. Projects pile up, you stay late and take work home with you and the flow of emails doesn’t slow down. When this becomes the norm, it’s time to re-evaluate your work-life balance and make some healthy changes to avoid job burnout.
How do you know when it’s time to examine how your job fits into your life? 

• You’re staying up too late or having trouble staying asleep. You’re sitting all day and not exercising. You’re getting most of your food from a vending machine or drive-thru window or not eating at all. You have a nagging pain or health concern but don’t feel like you have time to go to the doctor.
• You’ve started noticing signs of anxiety or depression.  You are feeling angry or irritable. You may experience dread, restlessness, hopelessness, panic attacks, mood swings, and maybe even thoughts of suicide.
• Your work no longer feels meaningful. You don’t feel connected to your colleagues or clients. You’re just going through the motions.  You just don't care anymore.
• You feel incompetent.  No matter what you do, it feels like it’s never enough. You’re always behind and the quality of your work may suffer. You worry constantly about your job performance. You fear (but maybe also secretly fantasize about) being fired.
• There are no clear boundaries between work and home.  You’re working longer and longer hours. You can’t take time off without getting calls, texts and emails from work. You feel like you have to be available around the clock.
• You’re lonely.  Although you may have people around all the time and you’re constantly connected electronically, you no longer have the time or energy for meaningful interactions with family or friends. Your relationships begin to suffer. ​

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t despair. There are ways out of this.  Psychologist Amy Sullivan, Psy.D., offers the following tips for taking control and getting things back in balance.

• Disconnect when you’re at home. “Put down the phone,” Dr. Sullivan says. “We don’t need to be available 24/7.” Constantly checking and responding to texts and emails raises stress levels, makes it difficult to connect with family members and negatively affects your sleep.
• Be more efficient at work. Focus on one task at a time and keep working on it until it’s complete. Don’t try to multitask. Close your email and turn off your phone when possible to minimize distractions. “If we’re efficient we finish our work, and then we’re able to go home and spend time with our family,” Dr. Sullivan says.

• Prioritize self-care. Make a decision to set aside time for exercise. Choose and plan for nutritious meals and quality time with friends and family. Make those things non-negotiable in your schedule.

• Get professional help. If the stress is really getting to you and impacting your mental health, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist. Many employers offer employee assistance programs that can connect you with a mental health professional who has experience helping people manage their stress.

Although hard work is prized in our culture, you don’t have to let your job take over your life. It’s OK, and necessary, to take care of yourself first.
Become a Time Realist as this article from The NY Times says.
​Here's some information from the Cleveland Clinic about the illusion of multitasking.