It's not unusual for parents to feel overwhelmed by the demands their children may be making for all the latest in toys and gifts. The holiday season is a time of massive amounts of advertising, a great deal of it aimed at our children. Few parents are able or willing to say "yes" to all the toy requests their children may present, but if you approach it correctly, saying "no" doesn't have to make you feel like a Scrooge.
The holidays can make all of us feel like "kids" again. It's mostly a happy time, but also a season with heavy doses of marketing pressure. As adults we're able to control the impulses brought on by all those "buy stuff now!" ads, but our children face the same tidal wave of advertising without the experience to help temper the desires the ads create.
There are real reasons why the latest, heavily advertised toys can seem so appealing to our kids. It's a normal part of development for children to fantasize and jump from reality to a make-believe world with ease.  Watch small children dressing up or acting out elaborate games and you can see how real those fantasy worlds can be for a child.
This ability to engage in fantasies is also why all the newest and "hottest" toys can seem so appealing. Children can easily dream about owning that exciting new game or toy, something they can imagine playing and sharing with friends, and maybe even be envied for owning.
These childhood dreams can be very strong during the gift-giving season, and when we have to let our kids down and say "no" to the latest requests it can leave us feeling like we're bad parents. This, however, may be an emotional reaction, but not a realistic evaluation.   
As a parent there may be legitimate reasons why agreeing to a child's demands simply isn't practical, or desirable, or maybe even possible. While those reasons may make sense for you, for the child looking to fulfill his or her fantasy, your adult reality has little or no meaning.
Our normal parental response to a child's over-the-top request, or "demand," might be something like, "No, that toy is simply too expensive." Such a response often will lead to escalated tension that makes the child cling even harder to the fantasy of how wonderful it could be and how you just don't understand.
Instead, it often works better to allow the child to hold on to and enjoy the fantasy. Respond by showing you understand how wonderful and fun it might be to have that toy. Don't resist the fantasy, but give your child the time to return to reality at his or her own pace. Save the discussion of why the toy is not a good decision for a calmer time when the fantasy is not as strong.
Adapted from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog

                                    The Dead of Winter Can Leave You Feeling Depressed 
More than 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression, according to the World Health Organization. Twice as many women than men have depression, and all ages are affected.
Depression is especially important to recognize in pregnant or postpartum women, patients who are elderly or have cancer and in children and teenagers, as it can often be overlooked and can lead to devastating consequences.
At its worst, depression can lead to suicide, with more than 800,000 people dying of suicide every year. Notably, people who have gone through unemployment, loss of a loved one, a divorce or separation or even suffered a heart attack can become depressed. Depression also runs in families, so it’s important to know your family history of mental illness.
When patients with depression go to their doctors’ offices, two-thirds will present with symptoms such as a headache, backache or another type of pain, rather than admit they have depression. Often, it takes a direct question, such as “are you depressed?” for it to be recognized.
Common symptoms of depression
The following symptoms are typically present for at least two weeks, and depending on the number of symptoms, one can classify depression as mild, moderate or severe:

1. Feelings of worthlessness, guilt or failure. People interpret minor setbacks in their life as personal failures.
2. Becoming more withdrawn, or not caring to participate in activities that once caused joy.
3. Depression causes loss of energy in routine activities. Sometimes people with depression report feeling exhausted before the day even begins.  Losing that “get up and go” is commonly found in depression.
4. Crying spells, or becoming teary-eyed are easily recognized signs of depression.
5. Eating too much or binge eating, or conversely not having an appetite, can all be signs of depression. While there is no absolute number in weight gain or loss that defines depression, losing or gaining an average of 5 percent of one’s body weight per month is concerning.
6. Sleep is often affected in depression, both in sleeping too much or not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep. This is frequently one of the earliest signs of depression. Depressed persons can feel fatigued despite getting a full night’s sleep.
7. Depressed people often experience a loss of concentration or become easily distracted.

Many times, people won’t admit they’re depressed because they don’t think of depression as a “real” disease, or they might feel as though their doctor will just prescribe antidepressants or refer them to a psychiatrist to have their “head checked.”
The more we understand and talk about depression, the earlier we can recognize it in our friends, families and loved ones. And for someone who’s suffering from this very real and debilitating disease, talking with a doctor can be the first step toward recovery.
Here's an article from The NY Times naming depression a chronic disease such as cancer which can go into remission but can ultimately be a fatal disease.
Treatment for depression
Treatment depends on the severity of the symptoms. It can range from simple recognition of the disease to medications and, sometimes, admission to a hospital for intensive treatment. Many patients with depression benefit from counseling and behavioral therapy. Regardless, neither counseling nor medications work instantly. It can take up to two weeks to begin to see the beneficial effects of medicine and up to four weeks to see the beneficial effects of counseling.
People with depression have a lower quality of life and a higher risk of suicide than those without depression. Additionally, depressed patients affect the quality of life of those who live and work with them. Recognizing the symptoms of depression and identifying ways to manage and alleviate it can have a profoundly positive impact for the patient and his or her loved ones.
This post is based on one of a series of articles produced by U.S. News & World Report in association with the medical experts at Cleveland Clinic.

Taking time to meditate might sound like a luxury but it may be as important for your well-being as pounding the treadmill or eating broccoli.  And you don’t have to block off lots of time, either. Setting aside just a few minutes a day can improve your focus, and calm your mind and body.
If you’re a meditation skeptic, take a look at these four meditation myths that could (literally) change your mind.
Meditation myth #1: You have to practice at least 20 minutes every day.
Do you have a minute?  Great!  Then you have time to meditate.  Here's a one-minute mindfulness meditation.
Breathe in for five seconds, then breathe out for five seconds. That’s your warm-up. Then repeat for one minute. It’s that simple, and you can work up from there.
Meditation myth #2: You need to clear your mind.
Can’t get your to-do list out of your head?  It’s OK if it keeps coming back.
The goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of all thought. The goal is to return to the breath. Each time you discover your mind has wandered, return it to the breath. That is how your mind learns to benefit from meditation.
When you’re meditating and get distracted by a thought return your attention to your breath. You’ll increase your awareness of the present moment, creating calm and balance.
Meditation myth #3: It doesn’t do anything.
It’s true, meditation doesn’t do one thing for you- it does a lot of good things!  Research suggests that meditation appears to boost whole-body wellness.

• Soothe your genes. Mind-body exercises like meditation target the genes related to stress and inflammation, reducing the levels of both in the body. There’s some sound research showing meditation changes how genes are expressed in your body.
• Blood flow.  Studies show that blood circulation in the brain and other organs improves during meditation. There are long-term benefits for certain organs, especially the heart and brain.  Increased blood circulation gets more oxygen and nutrients to every cell in your body, helping them to perform better. Getting that blood flowing could help you get through some of those stressful moments — whether it’s a tough client call or taking your toddler shoe shopping.
• Cardiac Function.  Research shoes that meditation decreases heart rate and blood pressure during the process.  Daily meditation can keep both measures lowered.
• Brain function. Several studies suggest meditation affects every part of your brain. Almost all of our thoughts and actions result from different sections of the brain working together, so meditation can really help get your brain humming.  Other research indicates that mindfulness practices cause changes in the brain’s attention-related networks, improving your ability to focus on a task.
• Psychological stress. Meditation has been shown to reduce aspects of psychological stress, including anxiety and depression. In our chaotic, fast-paced lives, managing stress is a must for better health.​

Meditation myth #4: There’s only one way to meditate. Meditation comes in all shapes and sizes, including mindfulness, Zen and Transcendental Meditation®. The trick is finding what works best for you, then practicing where and when you can. It isn’t going to be an earth-shattering, ultra-Zen experience every time you practice.
And you don’t have to stick with one type of meditation.  Play around until you find one you like, or use a combination of techniques. You can even use several types of meditation during one session. 
You can meditate in your car before leaving for work, while your children nap or even while you’re washing the dishes.  Try to find a few minutes during your day to develop your meditation skills.
You’ll be joining the 18 million American adults who use meditation to boost health and focus the mind. And you just may find that meditation gives you a little sanity in a sometimes crazy world.
​This is adapted from an article posted by the Cleveland Clinic, February 2019.

This article is the best I've read about how our vulnerability is the gateway to the intimacy and love we crave.

Persistent relationship stress takes a toll, both emotionally and physically.
Every couple squabbles over finances, parenting, who does household chores, etc. But constant, unrelenting conflict can take a toll on both parties’ emotional and physical health.  The quality of a relationship is important to a couple’s quality of overall health 
You might notice common signs of stress when your relationship has hit a rough patch: headaches, irritability, stomach issues, muscle tension, changes in sleep patterns.   If that persists and you have unremitting stress your immune system can become compromised and you are vulnerable to many potential physical problems. 
​Some studies have linked relational conflict and depression to poor digestive health.  Others suggest that strained relationships may be connected to an increased risk for heart disease.  Stress is also linked to high blood pressure and cancer.
This mind-body connection is well known among researchers and physicians.  The impact on health is greatest when relationship stress becomes chronic.  Stress, in general, produces a “fight or flight” response that is designed to help in emergencies.  If it's constantly activated, the entire body’s internal balance can be disturbed.  Continual stress can cause an increase in cortisol which can damage the heart muscle.  The longer the time conflict persists over the course of months versus weeks, the more likely you are to experience some physical symptoms,
Couples counseling can help you learn to create an atmosphere of emotional safety for yourself and your partner, to take responsibility for stress relief so your nervous system shifts into “rest and digest” mode and all mind/body systems can function optimally.
​​Here are some misconceptions about Couples' Therapy published by The Gottman Institute.
From the Cleveland Clinic, Signs You May Need Couples Counseling.

Happiness is a transitory state usually resulting from accomplishments, unexpected gifts and "happy" events, once in a lifetime occurrences.  Rather than seeking happiness pursue joy.  There are small moments within each day that can lift your heart, such as, the glimpse of a loved one, the memory of past joys, a budding flower, a kind interaction.  To use an over-used word, mindfulness can put you in touch with the tiny joys which present themselves through your surroundings; the beauty of nature, a well-done exercise routine, a hot shower, the aroma of fresh baking, favorite music, a delicious meal and connections with other people.  The list is endless if you pay closer attention to your senses; the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches within easy reach.  Becoming more conscious of the tiny joys around can habituate you to perceiving things differently, to gathering the pleasantries within even the grayest day and lead to a steady state of contentment.  Then you don't have to wait for the happy events to come along.  You have many joys whenever you tune into your senses to experience the present.  Here are some easy steps to help focus on the joys around you.  
​The Cleveland Clinic has this list of 7 Secrets to Happiness.  


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Having one of those days when it seems like everything that could go wrong, did?  You needn’t give in to grouchiness or despair.  Here are six suggestions to help turn your day around.
1. Be mindful of your feelings.
What feelings are beneath your stress and frustration: anger, sadness, anxiety, resentment?
Research shows that knowing and naming your feelings is helpful and soothing.  Once you’ve identified your feelings, write them down or talk them out with someone you trust.
2. Get up and move.
In order to shake off a bad day, you need to be active.  Sitting still gives your feelings time to fester.
Exercise and activity produce endorphins and serotonin.  Just 20 minutes of physical activity will increase these natural mood-lifters and give a noticeable boost to your day.  You don’t have to spend hours in the gym to enjoy the benefits of exercise.  Play fetch with your dog, walk outside with a friend at lunch, take a bike ride through the park.
3. Do something you love.
Distraction can be a blessing. Watch a favorite movie, listen to music, work on a craft project, plan a vacation.  If your passion involves physical exertion (hiking, running, kayaking, etc.), all the better.
Avoid judging yourself or having strict standards.  Enjoy the experience.  Try to lose yourself in it.
If you can’t completely set the anger, depression or anxiety aside, don’t worry. Taking positive action even when your heart isn’t in it will benefit you.  Doing what you love reduces cognitive dissonance and helps to lift your mood.  Acting as if you feel better can translate into actually feeling better.
4. Do a mindset makeover.
Take a deep breath and reassure yourself that having a bad day is part of living on the planet. Consider the whole picture.  Do you always feel this way?  Will you feel this way for five minutes, five hours, five months or five years?  Put things in perspective.  Use positive self-talk and itemize the benefits around you and within you.  Look at the whole picture not only your current irritations.
5. Connect with others.
It helps to close a bad day by getting out of yourself and helping someone else.  Volunteer, or offer someone a kind gesture.  Help a family member with a task, or play with a pet.  When you’re feeling kind, loving and grateful, it’s difficult to hold onto sadness, anger and resentment.
6. Rest up.
The best thing to do at the very end of a difficult day?  Get to bed at a decent hour and turn off/limit your use of cell phones, computers and tablets for the last hour before bedtime.  Getting seven to eight hours of good quality sleep is one of the best ways to recover from a bad day.  A good night’s sleep will help put it all in perspective. And you can start fresh the next day.

Disappointment comes to everyone. Adults have learned through repeated exposure that when people or activities may sometimes let us down, we can keep such things in perspective and find ways to overcome our dashed hopes.
But for children, disappointment can come in numerous forms. Even a seemingly minor hurt can often seem like such a complete disaster that the child truly has a difficult time accepting and dealing with it. And, in many cases, such as when a beloved pet dies or a close friend moves away, the hurt can be very real and deep and won't disappear easily.
While responding to childhood disappointments can seem difficult, there are good ways to do it. 
You can make a child feel less sad, avoid more serious emotional issues, and, when you respond well, help open communication that can strengthen the child/parent/teacher relationship.
How do you begin to respond to a child's disappointment?

• Listening is step one. Don't minimize or discount the story your child has to tell, even if it seems trivial to you. It's very real to your child, and a responses such as, "That's no big deal," or, "You'll forget about it by tomorrow," or, "Big boys don't cry," only serve to convince your child that the feelings are invalid; that you don't really understand or even care.
• Don't hurry in with a pleasant experience or reward to make the hurt go away. This can establish flawed coping patterns that carry over into adulthood and can present very real future problems.
• Talk "with" your child, rather than "to" her or him. Don't begin an interrogation when something seems wrong but instead tell him or her in a gentle way that you've noticed they're unhappy and encourage them to tell you what has happened.
• Don't be judgmental about what is being reported but instead offer sympathy and understanding. Let your child know you empathize because you've suffered your own disappointments. Don't try to top your child's story, but instead listen and sympathize. Just being able to share can do much to minimize the hurt.

In some cases, being a good listener may not be enough. If you notice a persistent change in behavior over time, and if your child is refusing to talk about what's wrong, it may be appropriate to seek help from a trained professional counselor who specializes in childhood issues. Your child's school counselor is always a good place to start.
​Adapted from American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

People use three basic responses to conflict.  Fight, Submit, Flee.  These can be used creatively but sometimes we get stuck in using just one strategy; become rigid and defensive and feel trapped and powerless.  There is a fourth strategy, Resolution which can be learned and is mutually beneficial.

• Fight: "I'm right, you're wrong."  Fighting is trying to impose your preferred solution or opinion onto another by insisting, blaming, criticizing, accusing, shouting, or using force.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  "I feel..., I think..., I need..., I want...".
• Submit:  "I'm wrong, you're right."  You can yield by lowering your expectations and settling for less by giving in, giving up, agreeing to just end the conflict or surrendering to what the other person wants.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  There are times when you are wrong and it's appropriate to admit it.  There are also times when faced with a more powerful force submission may be appropriate.
• Flee:  "I don't care who is right, I'm gone."  You can withdraw by ceasing to talk, retreating to your own thoughts, leaving emotionally, changing the topic, physically leaving the scene.  OR you can calmly stand up for your own rights and beliefs by using appropriate measures such as your words in direct "I" statements.  When emotion goes up, cognition goes down and it's sometimes useful to leave a heated discussion and take a time-out to let emotions subside, to organize thoughts, formulate "I" statements, "I feel..., I think..., I need..., I want...".   Then return to the discussion, calmly, with clarity.  
• Resolution:  "We both have a piece of the truth.  Let's work it out."  We can learn to listen to each other, to state our feelings, thoughts, needs and desires and to hear those from another person.  With mutual respect, listening and talking, and expressing our feelings using "I" statements we can remain in the struggle long enough to digest what's happened, problem-solve, and pursue alternatives that satisfy both and come up with solutions.

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​Sadness that won’t go away, episodes of crying, dwelling on bad feelings. All of those familiar mood-disorder symptoms are common in women with depression — but not so much in men.
“When men are depressed, they may be less likely to express sadness and more likely to express anger, irritability and aggression,” says clinical psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD.
Other signs of depression in men can include:

• Impulsivity
• Apathy
• Low self-esteem
• Blaming others (Depressed women more often blame themselves.)
• Isolation from others
• Increased focus on work
• Needing to feel in control
• Substance abuse
• Gambling
• Risky sexual behavior

All of these signs can be cover-ups for sadness.
Men and women also may share some basic depressive symptoms, like low energy, poor concentration and lost interest in activities they used to enjoy says.
Not all drops in mood are depression. Common sadness or irritability is usually temporary and triggered by something specific. Depression may have no clear trigger. And symptoms seem to take over your life (emotionally and physically), for two weeks or longer.
The effect on a man’s body
The thing about a mood disorder is that it’s not just an emotional problem. It can have physical effects too.
In women, depression can present as panic attacks or eating problems. Men, however, are more likely to complain of headaches, digestive problems or other physical aches and pains, says. They may have trouble sleeping or eating — or sleep or eat too much.
They also may have decreased sex drive and trouble performing in the bedroom.
It’s often easier for men to see a doctor for their physical issues than emotional ones. They may be less willing than women to talk about emotional issues or less likely to realize their physical symptoms are depression.
How to treat male depression
Men who may be depressed should start by seeing their primary care provider, who can rule out other health conditions and discuss ways to treat depression. Usually depression is treated with psychotherapy, medication or both.
Therapy can help patients uncover and change unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that could be contributing to depression. Sometimes it includes finding new ways of dealing with interpersonal conflict or other problems.
Antidepressants treat depression well, but can take several weeks to work fully. Symptoms may lift slowly and gradually.
There are dozens of safe and effective antidepressants available, but they don’t work the same in everyone. It may take more than one try for you and your doctor to find the right antidepressant for you.
What to do if a man is depressed
Many men won’t seek medical care for depression on their own. They may need encouragement from family or friends who’ve noticed a change in their ability to work, interact with others or function in everyday life.
If you think the man in your life may be depressed, here’s how you can help:

• Acknowledge his depression. 
• Offer your support. 
• Promote healthy living and self-care. 
• Focus on smaller, achievable daily goals. 
• Involve a doctor or mental health professional. 
• Report warning signs of suicide. 
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255.

Depression will go away.