Everyone has difficulty falling asleep occasionally.  You can improve your sleep hygiene and reorganize your bedtime routines to create an external and internal environment which is more conducive to restful sleep.  
Here is a brief visualization called The Body Scan which can help release tension and quiet the mind.

• Lie on your back and make sure you are comfortable. Adjust your pillows and covers until you are totally comfortable.
• Close your eyes.
• Take some deep breaths and release stress as you exhale.
• Focus your attention on your toes and, without moving, visualize them melting into the mattress.
• Do the same with your insteps, heels, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, butt, spine (each vertebra individually), move upwards through each discreet muscle and body part.
• At each step/exhale tell yourself the story:  I am relaxing my toes, neck, shoulders, arms, etc., my toes are melting into the mattress, my body is releasing tension, I am ready for sleep.
• By the time you reach your head you may be drowsy and dropping-off.

Any repetitive tone or visual image can induce relaxation and sleep.  Mantras, prayers, counting sheep is an old-fashioned and effective remedy.  And don't forget what some "old wives" recommend; a cup of warm milk or chamomile tea can soothe the body and mind.
If your sleep is disturbed for many nights you may be experiencing insomnia which is habitual sleeplessness, wakefulness, restlessness.  Prolonged insomnia can have serious psychological and health problems.  If this is the case, consult a physician.
Researchers at Harvard have developed a list of 12 tips to promote better sleep.  Look them over.

Persistent relationship stress takes a toll, both emotionally and physically.
Every couple squabbles over finances, parenting, who does household chores, etc. But constant, unrelenting conflict can take a toll on both parties’ emotional and physical health.  The quality of a relationship is important to a couple’s quality of overall health 
You might notice common signs of stress when your relationship has hit a rough patch: headaches, irritability, stomach issues, muscle tension, changes in sleep patterns.   If that persists and you have unremitting stress your immune system can become compromised and you are vulnerable to many potential physical problems. 
​Some studies have linked relational conflict and depression to poor digestive health.  Others suggest that strained relationships may be connected to an increased risk for heart disease.  Stress is also linked to high blood pressure and cancer.
This mind-body connection is well known among researchers and physicians.  The impact on health is greatest when relationship stress becomes chronic.  Stress, in general, produces a “fight or flight” response that is designed to help in emergencies.  If it's constantly activated, the entire body’s internal balance can be disturbed.  Continual stress can cause an increase in cortisol which can damage the heart muscle.  The longer the time conflict persists over the course of months versus weeks, the more likely you are to experience some physical symptoms,
Couples counselling can help you learn to create an atmosphere of emotional safety for yourself and your partner, to take responsibility for stress relief so your nervous system shifts into “rest and digest” mode and all mind/body systems can function optimally.
​​Here are some misconceptions about Couples' Therapy published by The Gottman Institute.

An old adage says knowledge is power.  There is research evidence that writing is a powerful tool to promote living consciously and can improve mental and emotional life; help to cope with stress, anxiety and depression; dispel loneliness; make us more emotionally available to ourselves and others. 
I recommend writing, daily, to all my clients and give them the best-selling book by Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way.  Julia describes the process she calls “Morning Pages” for writing three pages, stream of consciousness, every morning without censoring, without worries about spelling or sentence structure, just what flows, spontaneously, from heart and mind. 
After several days or even weeks of whining and complaining something shifts; patterns and insights emerge which create opportunities to make different choices, small changes in daily living.  These decisions can enhance life experiences and diminish the problematic ones. 
Over time, the benefits add up to counteract symptoms of stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. 
Emotional benefits:

• Manage Stress.  Writing about what’s creating stress and anxiety in your life helps you to identify stressors and pinpoint what’s going on internally. And sometimes you just need to vent, even if it’s only on the page.
• Enhance emotional intelligence.  Writing about how you feel helps you interpret and make sense of your emotions.
• Improve communication skills. Learning to put your thoughts down on paper translates into a better ability to express yourself to others verbally.

Personal benefits:

• Set and achieve goals. Writing down your wishes and dreams signals to your brain that they are important and takes them one step closer to existence. Furthermore, organizing your thoughts into words helps prioritize projects and needs.
• Build self-discipline. Writing every day, even when you’re not necessarily in the mood to do so, strengthens your ability to stick to something on an ongoing basis. Therefore, you’re better able to do other things that require self-discipline.
• Assist in problem-solving. New perspectives become clear when you write—even if you’re not consciously trying to find solutions. Writing helps you look at a situation more objectively and from more than one point of view.
• Create empathy. Writing about an event or relationship helps you see more clearly what others might be feeling or thinking during your interactions with them.
• Become more aware of habits and patterns. What makes you happy? When do you feel most troubled? Writing regularly, and then reading what you’ve written over time, can help identify what creates or detracts from your well-being.
• Increase creativity. Writing prepares you to be creative in other areas of your life, as well as on the page. You learn to be creative in your approaches to dealing with pain, difficult emotions, and challenging relationships.

Writing also supports physical health.  In recent years, research has revealed that writing down your life experiences can create positive physiological changes.
To sum it up, writing makes you happier!
Check out this research summary from Harvard Healthbeat.

There are many factors that can have negative effects on us, but sometimes it's important to focus on those things that can actually improve the quality of our lives. Yes, exercise, eating right, and getting plenty of sleep all can contribute to better physical and mental health, but another even simpler antidote that is often overlooked is making sure to laugh frequently.
Laughing is a natural part of life. As infants, we started smiling within our first few weeks and were laughing out loud within just months. Unfortunately, as we get older and life gets more serious, the ability to laugh can sometimes be diminished. Fortunately, you can learn to laugh again regardless of age.
How does laughing help? In addition to adding joy to your life laughter can:

• Ease anxiety and reduce tension.  Laughter has been shown to be an important stress reducer.
• A good, strong laugh can even help relieve physical tension, leaving muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes.
• Experts say laughing releases endorphins, the body's "feel good" chemicals.
• Laughter also decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells, improving your body's resistance to disease.  
• One study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor tended to outlive those who didn't laugh as much.

So, how to get more laughter in your life?  Start with a smile. Smiling, whether to family, friends, co-workers or even to strangers on the street, sends out a positive message and makes you feel better, too. It's difficult to be smiling and in a bad mood at the same time. Plus, others will smile back, and that's also nice.
You can increase your laughter quota by searching out things that make you happy. Maybe it's playing with a small child or a family pet. Maybe it's taking the time to find a funny movie, TV show or a video on YouTube. Try reading a humorous book, or sharing a good joke or funny story with others. Read the comics, watch a comedian on TV, or have a night out at your local comedy club.  Yes, life can be serious and we can't always be laughing, but putting a little extra effort into trying to find the funny in your life can leave you feeling happier while providing real benefits to your physical health and mental well-being.​
Adapted from The American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Taking time to meditate might sound like a luxury but it may be as important for your well-being as pounding the treadmill or eating broccoli.  And you don’t have to block off lots of time, either. Setting aside just a few minutes a day can improve your focus, and calm your mind and body.
If you’re a meditation skeptic, take a look at these four meditation myths that could (literally) change your mind.
Meditation myth #1: You have to practice at least 20 minutes every day.
Do you have a minute?  Great!  Then you have time to meditate.  Here's a one-minute mindfulness meditation.
Breathe in for five seconds, then breathe out for five seconds. That’s your warm-up. Then repeat for one minute. It’s that simple, and you can work up from there.
Meditation myth #2: You need to clear your mind.
Can’t get your to-do list out of your head?  It’s OK if it keeps coming back.
The goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of all thought. The goal is to return to the breath. Each time you discover your mind has wandered, return it to the breath. That is how your mind learns to benefit from meditation.
When you’re meditating and get distracted by a thought return your attention to your breath. You’ll increase your awareness of the present moment, creating calm and balance.
Meditation myth #3: It doesn’t do anything.
It’s true, meditation doesn’t do one thing for you- it does a lot of good things!  Research suggests that meditation appears to boost whole-body wellness.

• Soothe your genes. Mind-body exercises like meditation target the genes related to stress and inflammation, reducing the levels of both in the body. There’s some sound research showing meditation changes how genes are expressed in your body.
• Blood flow.  Studies show that blood circulation in the brain and other organs improves during meditation. There are long-term benefits for certain organs, especially the heart and brain.  Increased blood circulation gets more oxygen and nutrients to every cell in your body, helping them to perform better. Getting that blood flowing could help you get through some of those stressful moments — whether it’s a tough client call or taking your toddler shoe shopping.
• Cardiac Function.  Research shoes that meditation decreases heart rate and blood pressure during the process.  Daily meditation can keep both measures lowered.
• Brain function. Several studies suggest meditation affects every part of your brain. Almost all of our thoughts and actions result from different sections of the brain working together, so meditation can really help get your brain humming.  Other research indicates that mindfulness practices cause changes in the brain’s attention-related networks, improving your ability to focus on a task.
• Psychological stress. Meditation has been shown to reduce aspects of psychological stress, including anxiety and depression. In our chaotic, fast-paced lives, managing stress is a must for better health.​

Meditation myth #4: There’s only one way to meditate. Meditation comes in all shapes and sizes, including mindfulness, Zen and Transcendental Meditation®. The trick is finding what works best for you, then practicing where and when you can. It isn’t going to be an earth-shattering, ultra-Zen experience every time you practice.
And you don’t have to stick with one type of meditation.  Play around until you find one you like, or use a combination of techniques. You can even use several types of meditation during one session. 
You can meditate in your car before leaving for work, while your children nap or even while you’re washing the dishes.  Try to find a few minutes during your day to develop your meditation skills.
You’ll be joining the 18 million American adults who use meditation to boost health and focus the mind. And you just may find that meditation gives you a little sanity in a sometimes crazy world.
​This is adapted from an article posted by the Cleveland Clinic, February 2019.

                                    The Dead of Winter Can Leave You Feeling Depressed 
More than 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression, according to the World Health Organization. Twice as many women than men have depression, and all ages are affected.
Depression is especially important to recognize in pregnant or postpartum women, patients who are elderly or have cancer and in children and teenagers, as it can often be overlooked and can lead to devastating consequences.
At its worst, depression can lead to suicide, with more than 800,000 people dying of suicide every year. Notably, people who have gone through unemployment, loss of a loved one, a divorce or separation or even suffered a heart attack can become depressed. Depression also runs in families, so it’s important to know your family history of mental illness.
When patients with depression go to their doctors’ offices, two-thirds will present with symptoms such as a headache, backache or another type of pain, rather than admit they have depression. Often, it takes a direct question, such as “are you depressed?” for it to be recognized.
Common symptoms of depression
The following symptoms are typically present for at least two weeks, and depending on the number of symptoms, one can classify depression as mild, moderate or severe:

1. Feelings of worthlessness, guilt or failure. People interpret minor setbacks in their life as personal failures.
2. Becoming more withdrawn, or not caring to participate in activities that once caused joy.
3. Depression causes loss of energy in routine activities. Sometimes people with depression report feeling exhausted before the day even begins.  Losing that “get up and go” is commonly found in depression.
4. Crying spells, or becoming teary-eyed are easily recognized signs of depression.
5. Eating too much or binge eating, or conversely not having an appetite, can all be signs of depression. While there is no absolute number in weight gain or loss that defines depression, losing or gaining an average of 5 percent of one’s body weight per month is concerning.
6. Sleep is often affected in depression, both in sleeping too much or not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep. This is frequently one of the earliest signs of depression. Depressed persons can feel fatigued despite getting a full night’s sleep.
7. Depressed people often experience a loss of concentration or become easily distracted.

Many times, people won’t admit they’re depressed because they don’t think of depression as a “real” disease, or they might feel as though their doctor will just prescribe antidepressants or refer them to a psychiatrist to have their “head checked.”
The more we understand and talk about depression, the earlier we can recognize it in our friends, families and loved ones. And for someone who’s suffering from this very real and debilitating disease, talking with a doctor can be the first step toward recovery.
Treatment for depression
Treatment depends on the severity of the symptoms. It can range from simple recognition of the disease to medications and, sometimes, admission to a hospital for intensive treatment. Many patients with depression benefit from counseling and behavioral therapy. Regardless, neither counseling nor medications work instantly. It can take up to two weeks to begin to see the beneficial effects of medicine and up to four weeks to see the beneficial effects of counseling.
People with depression have a lower quality of life and a higher risk of suicide than those without depression. Additionally, depressed patients affect the quality of life of those who live and work with them. Recognizing the symptoms of depression and identifying ways to manage and alleviate it can have a profoundly positive impact for the patient and his or her loved ones.
This post is based on one of a series of articles produced by U.S. News & World Report in association with the medical experts at Cleveland Clinic.

​Most people experience a slump in January and February after the frenetic end-of-year and new year festivities.  Some of this is merely fatigue but the Winter Blues can leave you feeling, sad, irritable, unmotivated.  If these feelings intensify and lead to sleep problems, changes in appetite or weight, depression, you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
If your symptoms are in the milder category of Winter Blues there are several things you can do to help yourself feel better.​

• Since the 1980's light therapy has offered an effective remedy to boost energy.  There are even full-spectrum light visors so you don't have to remain in place to get your dose.  You do need to follow guidelines about when during the day and how long the exposure. There's lots of information on-line to inform you how to use light therapy.
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) can teach you coping skills for the short-term seasonal occurrences.  Once you learn the skills you can use them daily throughout the year for your general well-being.  
• Of course, exercise is an effective mood-enhancer.
• Meditation can promote relaxation and mindfulness and enhance cognitive skills.  Future blog posts will present activities to promote mindfulness, stress reduction and relaxation techniques.
• If your symptoms persist for days and light, CBT, exercise and meditation are not effective it may be time to consult a physician or mental health counselor to discuss other interventions.

This brief article from the Mayo Clinic provides more information and this article from The New York Times is also useful.  
​A report from Cornell University found that natural light in an office significantly improves health, wellness and productivity in workers.

It's not unusual for parents to feel overwhelmed by the demands their children may be making for all the latest in toys and gifts. The holiday season is a time of massive amounts of advertising, a great deal of it aimed at our children. Few parents are able or willing to say "yes" to all the toy requests their children may present, but if you approach it correctly, saying "no" doesn't have to make you feel like a Scrooge.
The holidays can make all of us feel like "kids" again. It's mostly a happy time, but also a season with heavy doses of marketing pressure. As adults we're able to control the impulses brought on by all those "buy stuff now!" ads, but our children face the same tidal wave of advertising without the experience to help temper the desires the ads create.
There are real reasons why the latest, heavily advertised toys can seem so appealing to our kids. It's a normal part of development for children to fantasize and jump from reality to a make-believe world with ease.  Watch small children dressing up or acting out elaborate games and you can see how real those fantasy worlds can be for a child.
This ability to engage in fantasies is also why all the newest and "hottest" toys can seem so appealing. Children can easily dream about owning that exciting new game or toy, something they can imagine playing and sharing with friends, and maybe even be envied for owning.
These childhood dreams can be very strong during the gift-giving season, and when we have to let our kids down and say "no" to the latest requests it can leave us feeling like we're bad parents. This, however, may be an emotional reaction, but not a realistic evaluation.   
As a parent there may be legitimate reasons why agreeing to a child's demands simply isn't practical, or desirable, or maybe even possible. While those reasons may make sense for you, for the child looking to fulfill his or her fantasy, your adult reality has little or no meaning.
Our normal parental response to a child's over-the-top request, or "demand," might be something like, "No, that toy is simply too expensive." Such a response often will lead to escalated tension that makes the child cling even harder to the fantasy of how wonderful it could be and how you just don't understand.
Instead, it often works better to allow the child to hold on to and enjoy the fantasy. Respond by showing you understand how wonderful and fun it might be to have that toy. Don't resist the fantasy, but give your child the time to return to reality at his or her own pace. Save the discussion of why the toy is not a good decision for a calmer time when the fantasy is not as strong.
Adapted from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog

​Just about everybody goes through stressful times at work. Projects pile up, you stay late and take work home with you and the flow of emails doesn’t slow down. When this becomes the norm, it’s time to re-evaluate your work-life balance and make some healthy changes to avoid job burnout.
How do you know when it’s time to examine how your job fits into your life? 

• You’re staying up too late or having trouble staying asleep. You’re sitting all day and not exercising. You’re getting most of your food from a vending machine or drive-thru window or not eating at all. You have a nagging pain or health concern but don’t feel like you have time to go to the doctor.
• You’ve started noticing signs of anxiety or depression.  You are feeling angry or irritable. You may experience dread, restlessness, hopelessness, panic attacks, mood swings, and maybe even thoughts of suicide.
• Your work no longer feels meaningful. You don’t feel connected to your colleagues or clients. You’re just going through the motions.  You just don't care anymore.
• You feel incompetent.  No matter what you do, it feels like it’s never enough. You’re always behind and the quality of your work may suffer. You worry constantly about your job performance. You fear (but maybe also secretly fantasize about) being fired.
• There are no clear boundaries between work and home.  You’re working longer and longer hours. You can’t take time off without getting calls, texts and emails from work. You feel like you have to be available around the clock.
• You’re lonely.  Although you may have people around all the time and you’re constantly connected electronically, you no longer have the time or energy for meaningful interactions with family or friends. Your relationships begin to suffer. ​

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t despair. There are ways out of this.  Psychologist Amy Sullivan, Psy.D., offers the following tips for taking control and getting things back in balance.

• Disconnect when you’re at home. “Put down the phone,” Dr. Sullivan says. “We don’t need to be available 24/7.” Constantly checking and responding to texts and emails raises stress levels, makes it difficult to connect with family members and negatively affects your sleep.
• Be more efficient at work. Focus on one task at a time and keep working on it until it’s complete. Don’t try to multitask. Close your email and turn off your phone when possible to minimize distractions. “If we’re efficient we finish our work, and then we’re able to go home and spend time with our family,” Dr. Sullivan says.

• Prioritize self-care. Make a decision to set aside time for exercise. Choose and plan for nutritious meals and quality time with friends and family. Make those things non-negotiable in your schedule.

• Get professional help. If the stress is really getting to you and impacting your mental health, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist. Many employers offer employee assistance programs that can connect you with a mental health professional who has experience helping people manage their stress.

Although hard work is prized in our culture, you don’t have to let your job take over your life. It’s OK, and necessary, to take care of yourself first.
Become a Time Realist as this article from The NY Times says.
​Here's some information from the Cleveland Clinic about the illusion of multitasking.

Happiness is a transitory state usually resulting from accomplishments, unexpected gifts and "happy" events, once in a lifetime occurrences.  Rather than seeking happiness pursue joy.  There are small moments within each day that can lift your heart, such as, the glimpse of a loved one, the memory of past joys, a budding flower, a kind interaction.  To use an over-used word, mindfulness can put you in touch with the tiny joys which present themselves through your surroundings; the beauty of nature, a well-done exercise routine, a hot shower, the aroma of fresh baking, favorite music, a delicious meal and connections with other people.  The list is endless if you pay closer attention to your senses; the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches within easy reach.  Becoming more conscious of the tiny joys around can habituate you to perceiving things differently, to gathering the pleasantries within even the grayest day and lead to a steady state of contentment.  Then you don't have to wait for the happy events to come along.  You have many joys whenever you tune into your senses to experience the present.  Here are some easy steps to help focus on the joys around you.  
​The Cleveland Clinic has this list of 7 Secrets to Happiness.  


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